


Hold on when you get love (and let go when you give it)

by rolerei



Series: Right As Rain [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Cute Kids, Family Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Reader-Insert, implied PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-09 04:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20989097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rolerei/pseuds/rolerei
Summary: On the day that Nyx was awarded a state decoration by King Noctis for his heroism in the war, you reminisced about how you two met and what happened along the way.Written for Glaiveweek2019's Day #1 prompt: Alternate Universe





	Hold on when you get love (and let go when you give it)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic would never have materialized if I hadn't read [the wonderful headcanons](https://bleucommelhiver.tumblr.com/post/187405521071/nyx-kids-headcanons) by [blue like winter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleucommelhiver/pseuds/blue%20like%20winter) on Tumblr.
> 
> Furthermore, I just played FFXIII-2 for the first time recently. When I discovered that Noel was the last hunter of his tribe (*sobs*), I just had to write him as Nyx's son. Two fix-its in one, here we go!
> 
> Many thanks to the lovely [TeapotBandit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeapotBandit/pseuds/TeapotBandit) for proofreading this fic <3
> 
> Also, the title is actually a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SYO6a6PaTs) by Stars.
> 
> Rated T for mentions of alcohol abuse and PTSD.

The last time you saw Nyx in his uniform was _ years _ ago.

You did the math in your head and immediately thought, damn, we're getting old. Ten years ago (_cringe_), to be exact. Back then, you were going out and about with your friends, celebrating the arrival of peace. A real one, this time. The Imperial troops were pulling away completely from the Crown City, days after the official handover to a temporary emergency government led by the then-young King Noctis, and you had come to participate in the celebratory waving off.

In the midst of it all, you had run into him. Or to be more precise, he was being _ carried _to you. Figuratively and literally, by his friends from his squad who chanted, "Hero! Hero!" while supporting his limbs on their shoulders and parading him around the busy street. He had worn his uniform, then - like the rest of the Glaives - and a smile so bright like a beaming sun. Full of happiness and pride. Although that was maybe also due to the plastic glass half-full with beer in his hand.

You had locked eyes with him, then, amidst the crowd, and it felt like time had slowed down. He stretched out his hand and you found yourself drifting closer. His fingers slipped into your hair while yours held onto his outstretched neck. When you two kissed, you found his tongue and lips tasted like beer and charcoal - but you could easily lie to yourself that they actually tasted like honey.

Fast forward to ten years later, that same uniform had been taken out again. You had asked him if he needed any help washing and ironing it, but Nyx simply waved you off. "I washed and ironed these by myself for _ years _ before I even met you, so no, thank you," he said.

He did end up needing help in the end, though. Mostly because some parts of the uniform just didn't fit him that well anymore. He chuckled with embarrassment. "I should have gone to the gym more often…"

You raised an eyebrow at him. "With the kind of children we have? You'd be called a superhero."

"Well, that is only half false, isn't it?" he purred as you were struggling to button up his jacket. That caused you to smile and give him a gentle slap on his chest.

"Not quite yet. The award ceremony is still 1 hour away!" you said.

"Oh, aren't you so technical."

"Aren't you trying so hard to be witty."

You turned around to leave your shared bedroom and went to check on the kids. They were not in their bedrooms. Odd, but not unexpected. You checked the living room and immediately overheard lively shouts coming from the direction of the garden. You took a peek from the nearest window and immediately let out a sigh.

"Are you sure you’re going to get it?!"

"Uuugghh stop asking that already! I need to concentrate!"

"Your arm doesn't look long enough to reach it… should we ask Daddy?"

"No! I. Can. Do. It. My. Self."

For a moment, you could only stand and stare at your eldest - a son - who was hanging on for dear life on a branch of the only oak tree in your garden. One of his arms was stretched out to try to grab a hat that was stuck on another smaller, unreachable branch. Your youngest - a daughter - was waiting patiently by the tree trunk, her eyes looking up expectantly at whatever her brother was doing. The stuck hat had actually belonged to her and was supposed to sit on her unruly black hair.

"And here I thought you were both going to finally change into your good clothes...," you remarked while approaching your youngest. She turned and looked at you with her wide blue eyes - the shade of which were so much similar to Nyx's.

"But we did, Mom, look!" she protested, gesturing at her red frock and small black mary-janes. "But then the wind blew off my hat… and now Noel is trying to get it for me."

"So he climbed up the tree right after he had changed into… oh, by Titan."

You found yourself massaging the side of your subtly throbbing temple and closed your eyes. How were you going to get to the Citadel within 1 hour now? It all sounded like mission impossible at this point.

Just as your brain finally started to really _ think_, you were startled by the sound of your daughter screaming, "Noel!! Look out!!"

You jolted upright, saw your eldest was about to slip from a poor foothold, and immediately sprung forward. All 28 kg of Noel's entire weight fell, not on your outstretched arms, however, but right on your torso, sending you tumbling back with your back hitting the grassy ground.

You groaned out loud, only opening your eyes when you felt your son wiggling from the tight grasp of your arms. The first thing that you saw was his mischievous grin and an excited glint in his brilliant blue eyes - so very similar to Nyx's. A single leaf was entwined in the tuft of his dark brown hair.

"Thanks for the save, Mom," said Noel before giving you a noisy peck on your right cheek and then scrambling up to his feet. He then handed over the hat that was earlier stuck on the branch to his younger sister.

"Here you go, Selena," he said. "Don't lose it again, okay?"

"Thank you so much, Noel!!"

The 5-year-old then proceeded to give the tightest hug to her older brother. Noel chuckled in return. "Maybe tomorrow we can ask Mom to stitch a ribbon on it so the wind won't blow it off your head again."

"Hey, I'm right here, you know??" you butted in, feeling somewhat left out as you laid there all alone on the ground and being spoken of as if you weren't there.

Your two children giggled and then began to help pull you up so you could sit on the grass. Compliments were ready to fall from the tip of your tongue until Selena suddenly screamed and dashed off, followed closely by Noel.

"Daddyyyy!!"

"Wow, Dad! You look so cool!!"

You inhaled and then exhaled. The winner of the favorite parent competition had already been decided, it would seem.

By the time you got to your feet and dusted off blades of grass from your dress, you looked up to see Nyx carrying Selena on his shoulders and playing pretend that he was some sort of a plane or a behemoth that she was riding to war. Noel was running around after him, laughing almost as freely and loudly as his sister. You couldn't help but smile at the sight - until you looked down at the time shown on your wristwatch.

"Argh! Nyx! Hurry it up, we have to go!"

Without as much as a ceremony, you grabbed at Noel's hand and began making your way towards the car. Nyx followed close behind - as evidenced by excited giggles that Selena let out as he shifted her into his arms and started running towards you.

* * *

The first time you drove in a car with Nyx was after he met your parents for the first time. During dinner, your father had made a comment about how Insomnia was getting cramped from all the refugees that flowed into the city. You had told him gently that these _ people _ had no choice - their homes and cities were destroyed in the war. Your father had replied that now that the war was over, they should have all gone back to rebuild their own cities and towns, and not to burden the 'real' Insomnians even more.

At that point, Nyx unceremoniously stood up and made his way for the door. He said absolutely nothing to you nor to your parents and just went straight to the exit. That silenced your parents for quite some time. You remembered glaring at your father before getting up yourself and chasing after Nyx. Once you caught up, you apologized to him profusely and offered a ride back.

Now, Noel took Nyx's place on the passenger's seat. His eyes were glued to the tablet playing _ Justice Monsters VII ._ Meanwhile, in the backseat, Selena was curled up asleep against her father's torso, while Nyx himself was looking out of the side window of the car with a subtle smile on his lips.

To say that he looked the same as the day you first saw him would be a stretch. There was grey hair peppering his hair and jaw now - not so much but it was definitely noticeable upon closer look. He was self-conscious of it, and you had noticed him staring at the bathroom sink mirror twisting his head this and that way to examine whether there were new ones sprouting.

He never outwardly showed it, of course, but he was self-conscious about several other things ever since you two got married. Your father's influence was definitely one big factor, and you couldn't help but feel sorry for being the sole reason for them meeting and having continual contact with one another in the first place. Several years ago, you managed to talk with Nyx about this, but he just laughed. "Your father's fine. I'd rather deal with him several times a year than have Noel and Selena never see their grandparents."

It was a new war that he fought after the actual war had been won. A war to let his kids grow up in an environment as best as he could provide. Meager salary ("Can't get any job past entry-level with more than 10 years of military service, apparently.") and demeaning, racist in-law be damned. At least you managed to get your university degree, so money wasn't as tight as it used to be anymore.

Once you reached the Citadel, you pulled over by the entrance foyer to let Nyx and the kids out. This way, he could report to the award committee while you could take your time finding a parking spot. Before driving off, you rolled down the window and tried to explain, "If I don't make it to the reception hall, don't wait for me. Just go to the ceremony directly. I'll know where to find the kids."

"Of course, you always will," he replied, smirking, then leaned in to kiss you. "Good luck down there."

You nodded and smiled and then drove off towards the underground parking area. In the rear mirror, you saw the reflection of the three most important people in your life standing by to watch you drive away before turning around and following the red carpet leading into the royal palace.

* * *

When you emerged from the parking area and made your way to the reception hall, you noticed how decked and well-prepared everything was. Rows of shiny flutes filled with champagne lined a long table. There were flowers on crisp white tablecloths. Among the mingling crowd were people in military uniforms of the Crownsguard, among other units. The insignia and medals on their chest and upper arm were gleaming against the soft light emanating from the crystal chandeliers.

This side of military life looked so shiny and polished. You knew all too well that the grandiosity masked an uglier truth, however. Many of these sharply dressed soldiers were broken from the war that had lasted for generations. From the corner of your peripheral view, you already spotted at least one uniformed man gulping down an entire flute of champagne like it was water, before reaching out to grab another one. Tightening your lips, you waded through the crowd and directed your eyes down to midriff level, scanning for tufts of black and brown hair amid the sea of black and silver.

Nyx had been one of the 'lucky ones' - or so you were told. But that didn't mean that things had been easy. There were days when you came home from work to find crushed, empty beer cans strewn about the floor of the kitchen. You cleaned them up as quickly and quietly as you could before searching for Nyx. Most of the time, you could find him sitting on the stoop leading to the back garden, watching the oak tree. Some days, you could even find him sitting by the tree itself. The big, old oak tree reminded him of Galahd. He told you this fifteen minutes after the two of you had been shown the house by the property realtor. Suffice to say, you had to call the realtor back that very same day.

On his bad days, Nyx liked to be left alone. Sometimes, though, he let you sit next to him on the stoop. Sometimes you asked if you could lean your head on his (strong, scarred) shoulder, and he would say yes. A lot of times, he would say no, and the two of you would sit together in silence on the stoop until one of you decided it was time for bed.

Sometimes, very rarely, he would tell you what was going on in his mind, on one of those bad days when he needed alcohol to numb the pain. Most of the time, it was about his sister, Selena. Other times, it was about some other person that he failed to save on the frontline. All the years may have chipped away at the guilt and the horror, but they never went away entirely.

Back in the present, your train of thought was interrupted by a soft tap on your shoulder. You turned around, unable to contain your yelp, and was immediately greeted by a familiar face raising an eyebrow and pulling up a curious smirk.

"Is that how you sound like when your students pull a prank on you, Mrs. Ulric?" Crowe Altius paused to let out a string of laughter. Her sharply pressed uniform was a contrast to her disheveled chestnut hair.

"Actually, nowadays, college students and their professors are mostly on a first-name basis," you corrected but smiled wide nonetheless. "Nice to see you too, Crowe."

"Yeah, whatever." She shrugged, then pointed with her thumb over her shoulder. "Your spawns are with Lib, by the way. Next to the buffet table."

You rolled up your eyes and sighed with a mix of gratitude and exasperation before turning your attention back to Crowe. "Thank you so, so much. How can I ever repay you?"

"Well, letting your husband out for one of our bender nights every once in a while can be a good start."

Crowe let out more chuckles upon seeing the look that you gave her. "Just kidding. I know, I know. 'Moderation makes it memorable,'" she drawled the tag line from a PA that recently went viral about responsible drinking. Both her hands were raised as if pronouncing defeat. "Anyway, I gotta go. See you in the Throne room then?"

You forced a smile as she patted your shoulder - more firm this time. "See you, Crowe. Take care of yourself, okay?"

"Yes, mom."

Crowe rolled her eyes dramatically before waving and turning around. You watched her figure disappearing into the midst of black uniforms with a soft ache in the hollows of your chest. The red cape of her mage Glaive jacket made her presence difficult to miss, even after she had walked far away. It took you a moment to finally pull yourself into finally going after your children.

* * *

"Moooom! Look at what Noel made!"

You let out a heavy sigh upon seeing the concoction of tomato sauce, shrimp, pineapple pieces, and Astrals know what other things that were present in the bowl that your youngest held up to you proudly.

"It is very… creatively made," you remarked, accepting the bowl and then setting it aside. "Say, why don't you go and fetch your brother? We're going in soon."

"And see Dad meet the King??"

"And see Dad meet the King, yes, you are very correct, Selena."

Your daughter let out a loud scream that led all other guests glancing in your direction before jumping from Libertus' lap. You diverted your attention to him and gave an apologetic smile. Libertus chuckled in turn.

"There's no need to apologize," he said. "Your children are lovely. They are very curious."

"Tell me about it...," you replied, chuckling. Then, fixing your eyes on Libertus, you asked, "How are you doing, Libertus? Everything okay with the skewers stall?"

"Eh, it's going fine, all things considered," he replied with a shrug. "Got told again that I should make the sauce less spicy, but I ain't gonna do it."

You couldn't help but laugh. The memory of your burning tongue during the summer's barbecue was still fresh in your mind. "Yeah, I agree. Don't back down so easily. I'm pretty sure in a few years people's palate will change."

"Yeah… thanks for the encouragement."

Both of you exchanged a weary smile. It lasted for a moment and stopped when both Selena and Noel made an excited appearance - just in time for the trilling sound of a bell to resound in the entire reception hall.

"What's that sound, Mom?" Selena looked up to you. Her blue eyes were wide and concerned.

"That's the sign that the ceremony is about to begin," you explained, with Libertus nodding helpfully to confirm next to you.

"Oh, sweet," said Noel. "So shall we go see Dad, then?"

"And the King!" added Selena.

"Yes, we are going now." You smiled wide as you took both of their hands. "Will you say goodbye to Uncle Lib? He's going to sit on another row."

"Bye, Uncle Lib!"

"Bye-bye!"

"Heh. Bye, kids! Be still and don't disturb your mother too much during the ceremony, okay?"

You mouthed your silent gratitude to Libertus before beginning your struggle in soldiering through the crowd with your two children in tow.

* * *

The ceremony was as quiet and serene as you had expected. Even Selena and Noel were behaving well - probably because they were as entranced by the solemnity of the room as you were. Both King Noctis and Queen Lunafreya stood in front of the throne, overlooking the assembly. You couldn't stop your brain from thinking how regal the two of them appeared, clad in the Lucian black and Tenebraen white.

After the national anthem of Lucis was played, the Lord Chamberlain, Ignis Scientia, began to call out the names of the award recipients one by one. Nyx's came up third, and you were almost sure you were going to hear rowdy cheers from the rows of the Kingsglaive. However, that was not the case. You held your breath as he entered the Throne room, a small smile playing on the corners of his mouth. Holding his hand on his heart, he bowed to pay respect to both the King and Queen, who nodded in reply.

You watched closely as Nyx made his way up the winding stairs, knelt at the last step, and allowed King Noctis to put the insignia on his uniform. Then they shared a quiet banter that you couldn't quite hear from several rows away - although you could clearly see the King smile and chuckle before Nyx once again raised to his feet, bobbed his head, and turned to descend down the stairs. When he reached the end of the stairs, an insignia of dark blue ribbon with a golden medallion could be seen attached on his chest.

You finally let go of your breath and started to once again breathe normally. Warmth started to sting at the back of your eyes, and just as you were going to wipe a single droplet that was rolling down your cheek, you caught Nyx's eyes looking in your direction. His eyebrows furrowed slightly, and you replied with a smile and a shake of your head.

"I'm fine", you tried to mouth to him. "Congratulations."

That seemed to relax the knot between his eyes, and his confident smirk was back by the time he was walking out of the Throne room.

You huffed out a puff of breath and looked down to check on your children. Selena was staring wide-eyed at the throne - doubtless feeling starstruck. Noel, on the other hand, was looking at you inquisitively. You replied to him with a smile, as you did with Nyx, on top of squeezing gently at his hand.

As the Lord Chamberlain called out the next awardee, and the next one after that, you waited with patience until the ceremony was over. You spent the rest of the ceremony imagining what Nyx's expression would be like when you meet him in the reception hall - his blue eyes gleaming with pride, his smile wide and bright as the sun.

Just like on the day you first met him.

* * *

After the ceremony was over and done with, and all the talks and drink tosses that surrounded it were over, you finally made it home. Miraculously, not one drop of sauce or soft drink had spilled on Noel's suit jacket or Selena's frock. The ceremony lasted only two hours, yet you were frazzled from all the twists and turns that your emotions went through.

The first thing that you and Nyx did was getting the children out of their 'nice clothes' before they could be ruined and changing them into their normal clothes. Once that was done, Noel immediately dashed towards the back garden, with Selena following close behind his heels.

With the house finally somewhat silent, you inhaled a puff of air, then exhaled it with gratitude. Your attention turned to Nyx soon, who had begun taking off each insignia that was attached to his uniform. The most recent one - a blue-golden insignia symbolizing 'pre-eminent act of valor in the presence of the enemy', as helpfully explained by Lord Scientia - was the last to be taken out. You deftly reached for the black velvet box that was meant to store the insignia and handed it to Nyx.

"Thanks," he said, smiling and taking the box.

"You're welcome," you replied before moving to help him out of his uniform jacket. After carefully folding and setting the jacket aside next to the bathtub, you moved your arms to circle Nyx's waist and tiptoed to peek at the insignia over his broad shoulders.

"It's very beautiful," you commented, admiring the way the bathroom lights were reflected on the golden medallion in the shape of a four-point star. "What's its name again? The Crepera Cross?"

Nyx made a humming sound in confirmation. "They named it after the Lucian queen of yore, apparently."

"I see."

You tilted your head to the side, letting your cheek to rest on Nyx's shoulder and your eyes to search for his. "So how does it feel, being an official hero?"

The question had meant to be a joke, and you expected to hear Nyx answering you with another joke as well. You were totally unprepared to see the serious expression that he wore afterwards. He placed the box on the drawer by the sink and turned in your arms to look at you.

"I don't think I would have made it without you."

There was intensity in his ice-blue eyes when they locked with yours. Without meaning to, you gulped. Regardless, Nyx continued, "If it weren't for you, I don't think I would be invited to accept the award in the first place."

"Of course you would," you retaliated. An uneasy chuckle escaped your lips. "Why wouldn't they? Everyone in Kingsglaive knows that you're their hero."

"Yeah, but…" He inhaled air and then exhaled it again. His intense blue eyes closed. "I was… not in my best form, these past few years. And yet you stood by me, all along. If it weren't for you... I don't know where I would be right now."

"Oh, Nyx…"

You wrapped your arms tighter around him and he melted into your embrace. Both of you hugged for a moment - one of his hands holding the back of your head and the small of your back while your nose nuzzled into the crook of his neck. You closed your eyes and felt like your entire world had been reduced to the smell of his cologne and the warmth of his skin against yours.

"Thank you for acknowledging my help," you whispered against his embrace. "Love you."

"Love you, too, little cat," he murmured back, and you couldn't help but smile against his neck.

Then you heard the sound of something loud and noisy falling from somewhere inside the house, and your smile quickly turned into a frown. After another second, the frown turned into a groan.

"I don't want to leave," you stated matter-of-factly.

Nyx chuckled. "I can go check on the kids if you don't feel like it."

"I know, but that's not the point." Your tone was weary and the tight squeeze on your embrace was weakening. "I want more of this. Just a little while longer."

He hummed again before running his fingers down along the length of your hair - once and then twice. "This is quite nice, yeah."

"Want to stay like this for another ten seconds?"

"Sure."

Five seconds later, you heard Selena screaming for your presence. You rolled your eyes and reluctantly pulled away from your husband.

"Duty calls," you announced grimly. "You sure you don't need my help anymore?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it. This uniform's easier to take off than put on." He grinned. "I'll join you right after I'm done."

"Okay, don't forget to pile everything into a separate laundry basket!"

Nyx rolled his beautiful blue eyes towards the ceiling in mock exasperation. "Yes, mom."


End file.
